Dropping The Show
In New York we’ve been inside for the last six months. When this first started, we all thought it would only be for two weeks. So we started out strongly. There were plans to lose weight, make sourdough, keep plants alive, and pursue our dreams. Those slowly dissipated into the quarantine 15, restlessness, and slightly going off the deep end. At this point, those of us who have strictly followed the guidelines, are tired of being inside.
This is happening while the national consciousness is yet again focused on the fight for Black lives; which was brought to the fore by the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. The conversation continued due to the recent shooting of Jacob Blake and the subsequent actions of Kyle Rittenhouse. Needless to say, there has been a lot on our minds the last few months.
Hopefully this time has also caused us to wrestle with ourselves. This lockdown could have been a great opportunity for a time of serious introspection. For many of us, this has been a season of forced slowing down. As someone who exists in a world of constant noise and input, I needed this. I needed time to focus on just being because I spend way too much time doing; chances are, you’re similar to me.
Images and Idols
The idol of image has been exposed to many of us. I’ve heard from several women that this time has exposed the need to always wear makeup or be dolled up. It has made them question who/what they are trying to impress. They’ve confessed finding validation and hope in what they look like and the attention given to them for it. Many men have also reported noticing their own vanities. They’ve felt the loss of not always being groomed, tailored, or able to show off their best physical features. Again, it begged the question of who they were trying to look good for and what sort of attention they were trying to garner.
The biggest hit has been Instagram. Many people have disappeared from the platform altogether. Those who built their entire pages on showing off how great their lives are through travel and extravagant meals suddenly ran out of content. People with thousands of followers couldn’t figure out who they were behind the pictures.
For many of us their absence has been a good thing. The feelings of envy that live inside of us were no longer stoked because they didn’t have someone else’s highlight reel to compare themselves to. A few years ago, I deleted Instagram for almost two years because I became keenly aware of the deleterious effects it was having on my heart.
Social media has become a breeding ground for jealousy and envy. It is often said that we are comparing our behind the scenes footage to someone’s highlight reel. It’s impossible to not feel inadequate under those circumstances. Yet we continue, because the dopamine hit we get from endlessly scrolling gives us good feelings in the moment that aren’t there when we’re wrestling with our thoughts later.
I’ve committed to spending less time on my phone. It isn't healthy for me and every week the screen time notification reminds me just how much of my time is being spent in this unhealthy place. I find myself looking at the lives of others and saying if only...The truth is, there is no “only” that will be enough. As humans, our tendency is to always look up and look for more. It’s the reason hundred millionaires will feel inadequate because they’re not billionaires.
The only cure to this is to actively fight against it. It is to pray for God to teach us true humility and contentment. In Philippians 4 Paul puts it this way: for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. 12 I know both how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content — whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me.
This is the heart of contentment, finding joy and peace regardless of the circumstances. Our social media habits work in direct opposition to this. Quarantining has forced many of us into simpler lives and that is a good thing.
Are you different now?
You’re probably no drastically different but has quarantine changed you in any way? Are there things you used to value and prioritize that you don’t anymore? I’d love to know and hear more about where this time has taken you.
Sitting inside for a few months has forced me through some seasons of deep thought. I had to wrestle with the shadows of guilt, shame, and loneliness as I preached through the book of James. More recently, after the shooting of Jacob Blake and the death of Chadwick Boseman, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about life, legacy, and my purpose in this world.
In the past when faced with instances of Black murder and death, I would normally have a way to escape mentally. Being forced to stay inside did not provide me with my normal outlets I would use to distract myself from the pain. This time, I sat in my feelings. I cried. I came out thinking life is too short, and too easily taken to not maximize every minute and every gift the Lord has given me.
The biggest positive that has come from this is increased confidence. Those of you who know me, wouldn’t think this is something I wrestle with. Those of you who know me well, know that I lack confidence in all of the important areas of my life. I started this newsletter a few weeks after we began quarantine unsure if anyone would actually read it. I wasn’t convinced (still not quite convinced) people wanted to hear what I had to say. A few months later and a few hundred people are taking the time twice a month for me, words can’t express the gratitude I feel for that.
In the past a job loss would have broken me but this time I feel free to build on things that were just dreams a few months ago. I have all of you to thank for that. I never got the sense that my voice was valued in this world but your responses have helped change those feelings.
Where has this quarantine taken you? I’ve wrestled with vanity and insecurity. I didn’t make bread but I did start juicing. I’m walking with more confidence these days and trying to make the best use of the time. What about you?