Four Source Idols: The Fight for Control
Thank you for tuning in for another week. Continuing our series on the four source idols, today we will look at the idol of control. Last time I talked about my struggles with power/influence. You can read that here.
Control is the idea that “I want it my way.” Just like the other source idols; power, comfort, and approval, I think we all go through this. In our heart of hearts, nothing would make us happier than being able to control our lives, especially the uncomfortable parts. And that’s it for me: my need for control is really just a manifestation of my desire for comfort.
I want to play God and determine how everything goes so I can skip the struggle parts. Kinda like that Adam Sandler movie where he had the remote and could just fast forward through life. Control for me means an easier life. It means that I can live, work, and play in a way that is best suited for me. It means I can control the amount of time I have to interact with people, or exactly where my family will live, and even who gets to be in my life.
Control is probably why I love fitness and nutrition so much. It’s one of the few areas of life that can make me feel like I’m in charge. I know that my results are directly correlated to the work I put in. On many levels (assuming you’re not competing professionally), it just feels fair. For someone who has often felt that life hasn’t been fair, this small area just feels nice.
Of course I know anything can happen. As my mother often reminds me, healthy people get sick every day B. The facade of control is nice but as I get older and the gains slow down, and those fifteen pounds take a little longer to come off, and my joints ache a little more; I’m reminded that there is really no such thing as being in control.
False Security
The desire for control is the desire for peace in the midst of chaos. That is completely understandable and even a natural response. The perception of control provides us with a false sense of security that lulls us to sleep.
We can think we have enough money, or drink enough green smoothies, or put our kids in the perfect schools and programs but the truth is none of us are so untouchable that a single phone couldn’t change our lives. When we think we’re in control, we’re simply not prepared for that. We micromanage our lives and the lives of the ones we love creating a false sense of hope that doesn’t last. But what would you do if the things you worked so hard to protect and build were taken from you?
The sad part is many of us will get exactly what we want in life only to find out it’s not enough. Many of us will be successful enough in our attempts at control that we will see some semblance of exactly what we want. The ugly side of control is that it never ends, there’s always more. The unpredictability of life means we will never be able to keep every corner perfectly pinned down.
Jesus offers a better way. In Matthew 11, he famously offers us the opportunity to rest. He tells us to take up his yoke and learn from him. Jesus models for us what it looks like to relinquish control. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed to the Father for another way but in the end said “Not my will but your will be done.” (emphasis mine).
To let go of the heaviness of trying to control things is to find rest and peace in Jesus. The Jim Elliot quote is great here: He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
I’d love to tell you that I embody this perfectly right now but I don’t. As it stands, I would love to control so many aspects of my life: the amount of free time I get, buying a house, where my kids go to school, the influences they’ll have, and after 3.5 years of searching actually landing a great job.
None of this is mine to control.
On my best days, I remember that and rest in the work of Christ. On my worst days, I lay awake at night trying to figure out how to fix it all. The opposite of desiring control isn’t to live relaxed, it’s to live trusting. Trusting in the one who gave up control so that we would live a more abundant life. Not abundant in things but abundant in peace. Turns out peace is not beyond our control, we just have to be willing to let go in order to achieve it.
I pray that you and I can live with more trust today.